What the Olympics Really Needs

Hark Charlie Brooker’s wise words on the Olympics published this weekend. Since the moment the countdown clock started dropping digits we have whinged and bitched – as is our godgiven right as British people to bring all and anything under our cynical gaze before pounding it to a whimpering puddle under our intellectual hammers. “Say it. I AM VULGAR!”

But as Charlie points out, yes it’s corporate hell with all the creative flair of Clip Art, yes it costs a lot of taxpayers money. But for two weeks it will also bring the eyes of the world onto our little nation, one that is yet to accept it is not as internationally relevant as our national relics had us believe. And it might even (whisper it) be fun. Heart-warming. Culturally and socially cohesive?

Whoever thought Wenlock wearing Friendship bands was good design should be dragged to a Stratford playground and strangled with a glowstick.

And for the optimists? Danny Boyle might want to put a call out to 80’s clowning gymnast Paul Hunt. Not out of place on the BGT stage (they seem to have stop caring about the ‘B’ bit) Paul has been teaching gymnastics in Utah since 1974. While demonstrating a backflip for a female student, he realized the comic value of a man performing women’s gymnastics. He often sports a thick moustache.

The commentators’ half serious attempt to say something about the man in a tutu winding himself on the parallel bars is half the comedy. What would Sue Barker do?